Welcome to the wild world wide web

Welcome to the wild world wide web: I’m your host Njål. and today we will take a closer look at some of the inhabitants in this fine establishment.

On the right hand there is twitter, a place where twerps, trollops and trolls conjugate in great enough numbers to clog up the platform. Looking for a safe space? Check elsewhere, because there is none. Despite what the people on there screams like a banshee stalking the moors claims. In this wretched hive of scum and villainy, fans of censorship, those that hate speech. aside from their own voice. A plethora of celebrities, who think that well adjusted people listen. A couple of politicians that spams things for the sake of publicity. 

Companies that care too much about the loud minority of ill adjusted weirdos, the type of cretins that are not their customers. There is also a vocal collection of fanatical fans of any media, be it religion, or a franchise like Star Wars. The court is debating whether these types of creatures are cut from the same cloth, or if it is an evolutionary dead end. It is as they say, ignorance is bliss and being willfully dense is the easiest thing in the world. Herein you will also social justice warriors attack the foundation of civil society, like barbarians at the gate of Rome. This bile of vile words and violence are waging a war on whomever they disagree with. Regardless of political affiliation. Gender, melanin content and content of their character. These accursed beings are hunting for the very elusive prey known as alt right. An alleged type of human that might exist out there, but we’ve yet to find definite proof among the YouTube commentary crowd.

 Another subset that usually exists on Twitter until they run afoul enough these sick jerk wankers and get the boot. Words are apparently very dangerous these days, despite how easy they are to block. Aside from these easily offended and triggered ticks, we can also find a lot of erotica, be it drawn, real, animated, illegal, or just the good old disgusting kind. The type you show to other teenagers to have them regurgitate their lunch and to scar them for life. Some bodily fluids should not enter the human body in any capacity. 

On the left hand side we have a handful of people, if one could call them that. Humans that think they can talk loudly in public without anyone listening in or interrupting them. Let me tell you one thing, the walls have ears and loose lips do sink ships. 

Further down the corridor we have an elective bunch of online celebrities that spews out opinionated videos about any subject under the sun, from law, to entertainment and everything in between.
Amidst of these colorful beings, you might just spot a curio from the early days of the web. One of these enigmatic people is the allegedly satire maestro Maddox, whom is an mildly successful author of works such as fuck the whales. His real call to fame is the decades old site of his, full of articles that have vivid depictions on how to gas babies in the overhead compartment while in flight to silence their screams, urinating on wedding gowns and oh so many hate mails. Rumor has it that he used to be funny, but we’re not entirely sure if the stuff he wrote was meant as a joke. Unfortunately his glory days have long passed and now he is a depressive empty shell of his former self. Such is the faith of anyone that fails to cash in on their legacy. Luckily we managed to stuff him into a small sized terrarium.

Next to him we have another curious creature known as Dick, the master of rapid ranting and rationality, despite an unhealthy consumption of alcohol. This loud individual ran the biggest problem in the universe, until his co host went crazy over an ex girlfriend. A truly glorious mess to behold. Which turned Dick into a massively popular person, and most likely the most inclusive and diverse podcaster on the web.

Our crew of collectors did try to acquire a specimen known as Mister Metekour, a mysterious faceless man, that is clever enough to hide behind an avatar. This enigma loves to take a dump on very mentally messed up people that finds ways to get stuck in the web. Unfortunately this man is impossible to locate, any information would be welcome and should be forwarded to the hunting team.

If you follow me further down the corridor, there is also a huge selection of lawyers. Most of them still have their soul intact, despite their career choice. Legal eagle is probably the exception, we’ve yet to determine if his is real, or a corporate friendly doll. Regardless these legal scholars can analyze any court case with ease and clarity, that normies are incapable of grasping, due to the nature of law.

Over at this display, we can gaze upon amazing artists that somehow always end up in some sort of silly controversy due to their poor communication skills. However separating art from the artist is a very worthy and arduous task that all sane onlookers should embrace.
Now we arrive at the idol worshipers, these are among the most dangerous individuals we have captured. These zealots crawl around in the dust of people with power and influence, hanging on to their every word like a limpet mine on the hull of a ship. Regardless of what they worship, they are all the same kind of crazy. Regardless of their zeal, they can not differentiate fantasy from reality. Unless their idol dare to say the wrong word and their worshipers fragile egos shatter like glass from a window that someone threw a rock through. 

Next up is a collection of critters that was really, really hard to contain. The game journalists, if one can call them that. A person of this profession is supposed to get paid to play games and write about said games. Yet they are woefully incompetent at their cushy job. For some asinine reason they are more interested in ruining anything they touch, despite their innate ass-kissing skills. Creeps like these are more content writing slander about politicians and expressing their opinions on unrelated subject matters they have almost no knowledge about. To this day our facility staff have no idea why an orange man is important when reviewing a gaming platform.

Next to these so-called professionals, we have actual professionals that fall into a lot of the same trappings when it comes to news that happens around the globe. We decided to lump them into the same category, due to how incompetent they are at their job. We assume that standing on top of an ivory tower and looking down makes it very hard to see the truth. After all facts are better when fabricated. Somewhere in here there should be some actual journalists. But they are almost rarer than rooster teeth.

The next selection is an actual vocal bunch, due to their career as voice actors. These people are an insecure and catty lot that will gladly backstab their friends. You would be wrong to think that their job required nothing more than dubbing voices of animated characters. This however is not the case. A scant few of them is actually good at their job and is capable of sounding like a living being that organically reacts to the world they are acting within. More often than not it comes out as someone hit them over the head until their brain turned to mush. Oh well nothing lost really, we’re quite sure people would learn more languages if they weren't making money on replacing the original voices. 

There are many, many, more morons, normies, and their mothers to be found at said platform.
Let it be said, this social media bedlam, serves as the public equivalent of an insane asylum, were the wardens are patients, and everyone is a research subjects  into the collective mind murder of mankind. Everyone is free to look into the window of a deranged mind, but be careful the abyss gazes back and its allure leads to madness. Let this be a warning to you all, take heed or you will fall into the rabbithole. Where you will be cooked like a frog in a pan.

There are many more to be found in the wild, but it is an ongoing process of an unprecedented magnitude.
That concludes our tour for now, at the end of the exhibit, you’ll find refreshments. 

Njål Signing out

Cyberpunk 2077 - Sex, dugs and rock - Review.

Cyberpunk 2077 is an adaptation of a fairly old tabletop RPG. Turned into a first person shooter, a very fun one, but quite rough around the edges. Keep in mind I only have the PC version I bought from gog.com. Sure the steam one has achievements, but this time around I can't be bothered hunting for those. The setting is one where America got thrashed and a fancy multi national city was built on top of the trash pile. Night city is a crowded, polluted metropolis, with more guns and crime than people. The corporations run the world, gangs roam free, police brutality is the norm, and the poor people are still being oppressed. All of this nuance is beautifully portrayed in-game, bringing fresh life, and character to the crowded open sand sandbox genre. The graphics are truly jaw dropping gorgeous, especially with ray tracing activated. However my gpu is rubbish, especially when live-streaming the game. However even at potato settings it looks fantastic. The city is littered with humans looking busy and everywhere I go someone is having a chat. The voice acting is top notch as well, which makes everything even better. Every nationality speaks their own language. Luckily the game provides a translation device.

However not everything is well in paradise. Picking up items which are crucial for materials, healing, and money. Is quite often a finicky process that often leads to frustration and busy work. Especially when an object is stuck. I've experienced some overlapping dialogue, sequences where there was no sound and the smoke turning into glitching triangles when the frame rate is set to 60 fps. On top of that there are glitched people sliding through the streets, they're ultimately harmless though and fun to spot in the wild. The hacking visor vision struggles a lot when too many objects are close and sometimes the player slowly raises from crouching to standing.

An unfortunate design decision made by the developers can in fact trigger epileptic players. Whenever I have to enter a holographic recording of some poor persons memory, I equip a headset that flashes bright blinking lights onto my face.

The sound picture is phenomenal, with a lot of depth, from creaking leather seats, to the ambiance of the city. Got a bit tired of the combat music though. While the radio is full of spiffy songs, I ultimately ended up muting the music, it's just not to my taste. A custom playlist could fix just that. With that said, I should probably go on a deep dive into the game play mechanics.  At the start of a new game of Cyberpunk I had to design my character, which ended up looking very weird. Yes the woman I made with a manly voice, which now looks more like an alien than a sentient human being. There are a mediocre amount of choices which is to be expected, but nothing to write home about. Seeing as the whole experience is seen from the players point of view, there is not much out of the ordinary with the controls, aside from some mapping issues. 

Such as dodging is double tapping the crouch button, which is also used to slide, when sprinting, which leads to unintended crouched instead. On a gamepad the right stick is used for a quick strike with the butt of the gun, but when I hold it down a free cam to take custom pictures is activated. One key doing too many things can quickly get irritating. Espesiall the interact key that picks up items, used to initialize dialogue and other contextual actions.

Cyberpunk has a lot of brutal combat encounters, which all have a set difficulty level and in most cases any enemy with a red skull is pointless to fight, until much later. Gunplay feels great, from generic shotguns, to tech guns. The kind that has fun extra feature as homing bullets and setting people on fire. Since this is a futuristic sci-fi setting the closest thing to magic is hacking someones retina, overloading them, setting them on fire and other disabling abilities. Naturally some enemies can do the same to the player. Despite all the bullets flying around, punching people into coma is perfectly viable and unlike a katana, it is considered non lethal. Combat stats are improved through cybernetic implants, gear and leveling up. It's fairly fun to install the gorilla hands and rip a turret off its podium, or to cut someones head off with wrist mounted mantis blade. Yes, people will lose limbs, so it is anything but a child friendly game. Stealth is also an entirely viable options, even if the silenced weapon skill tree is kinda useless. As long as an enemy is not severely outclassing the player, any human can be grabbed from behind and getting knocked out. Both are required for certain quests and sequences. The thing I'm personally puzzled about is the fact that I'm equipped with a wall piercing gun that is also non lethal.

Since Cyberpunk is a city sized sandbox, there is a lot of side content to go around. Practically everywhere I go there is something to interact with. Plus many missions have hidden entrances and alternative paths that let me ghost through to the objective. The few times an npc is involved in some sort of escort mission, they're seldom useless and never in the way. Even on hard they're kinda useful. They certainly live longer than me. It is interesting to see that quick saves are allowed as long as combat is not initiated, which makes save scamming possible until the job is done. The ai is not particularly bright and often end up walking on air. Combat in Cyberpunk is also entirely stat based, positioning is important as well as cover, but eventually an upgraded weapon will be tendered completely useless. The animations are also hilarious at times, especially when enemies stumble over fallen comrades, after all a face planted enemy is easy to hit.

Crafting as I mentioned earlier is simple, but very useful. Especially when fully upgraded, since I can make epic weapons and do a lot more damage with those fancy tech weapons. Basically enemies drop random clothes and guns, which I can use, unless the game tells me otherwise, sell for pocket change, or to simply turn into crafting materials. Regardless, it is not possible to max out every skill tree, or to respec stat points, so a bit of planning is needed. Leveling is made up of three parts. There is the player level gained through combat and questing, then there is street cred which has its own progress bar. On top of that the various skill trees has some of this as well, especially crafting. Especially clothes and special guns has unlock requirements related to skill level and street cred. I have to admit that its generally easier to just use whatever I can find on enemies, even if I end up looking like a fashion disaster.

Traveling through the Night city is a relatively easy going affair, be it fast traveling at bus stops, going by foot and climbing like a monkey, or with a set of wheels. Which can be bought for money gained through the game. They all handle just fine, as long as I hit the brakes before I go around a corner. It usually ends up with me moving down pedestrians, which pisses off the police. Fortunately for me I simply have to get far enough away to lose them. Due to me playing on hard, any angry officer drone is a death sentence. There is no mechanic for getting arrested, or revived after all. 

All in all, I can truly recommend Cyberpunk 2077 to anyone that likes a violent game about criminals getting in way over their head in the worst American city imaginable. If full frontal nudity, some sex, and flashing lights trigger you. Do not get the game.

Njål signing out

# zaceron

A honest Cyberpunk review

Cyberpunk is a first person game with a lot of action and a gripping narrative. However I am very, very dissatisfied with the CD Projekt red. I can not make a non binary character, equipped with huge ballistics, a mister stud implant, rainbow coloured hair and having my character being referred to the proper noun. Seriously it is the year 2020 and were still dealing with this rampant sexism. Misgendering is such a pain to deal with, for such a dainty flowers such as I. This setback did not deter me from making a blue haired avatar with plenty of room for my organs. Really, they had to give me a face full of flaccid dong when I went through the editor. This dainty stud almost resembles me. Not that I can see myself very often.

 Once I bumbled my way out of the tutorial after three hours I finally made my way into the neon infested capitalist hell hole. I was nearly run over by a driver texting. Then a mysagonitic man sexually harrased me and had the gall to use the wrong pronoun. So I cut him into ribbons with my wolverine claws and stole his bike. Driving sucks very bad, like a clogged robotic vacuum. I couldn't find the brakes, so I hurtled down the road at breakneck speed, until I hit a ramp hard. Which caused me to get plastered across a suggestive billboard. Later I crawled by a man screaming for help, but such a disgusting creature deserves nothing. Since being a game journalist is so hard, a had to mug a youtuber to get my well deserved copy of the game. 

CD projekt never replied to my emails, despite me bei g such an overwhelmingly success ful social media influencer. One with thousand plus selfies and over a hundred striking articles on how bad capitalism and crunch is. As a person with only one functioning arm and the representative of the Sampi people, I find the lack of nordic representation in a vide game set in America very disrespectful. The game also has terrible controls, did I mention that? Who makes a game not intended for one handed people, the lack of accessibility is simply galling. I demand a refund from the the publisher of Cyberpunk. These alt right neo fascist hooligans doesn't deserve my support! That said, Trump totally lost the election. There was absolutely no election fraud what so ever. Biden totally won fair and square and is like be the best president ever. He will totally handle the rest of America over to china and turn USA into a glorious Marxist utopia.

 This game revels in toxic masculinity. Everyone has perfect proportions, with pulsating muscles and big breasted woman with thin hourglass waist. Honestly, where are her organs? These big butted monstrosities is only intended to be over sexualized bait to lure in horny basement dwelling teenage boys. I'm pretty sure people like the disgusted manchild Quartering will complain about how I'm not reviewing the game and is more concerned about the orange orangutan that just got ejected. Other than that Cyberpunk is just way too long, I can't play for eighty hours plus and get paid for playing a game I don't care about. Also YellowFlash is clearly a white supremacist, but I refuse to show any evidence of this accusation, you'll have to take my word for it. I suppose there are some rpg elements in game, but that requires reading, which takes time and why would I botter taking over someones cyberlimbs to have them kill their comrades?

A game Jurnalst signing out.

Welcome to the Tom Cruise timeline.

 Greetings I'm Njål and welcome to the Tom Cruise timeline.

Tom is a prolific actor that is still cruising through Hollywood and history. He might be a crazy Scientologist, but he never stopped doing what he does best. Acting in a plethora of exciting movies, where he often ends up running a lot and doing most of the stunts himself. However I'm not here to critique the man, nor his career, or his movies. Because a thought occurred to me, all tom cruise movies take place in the  same universe. Practically all of them can be crammed onto the same earth. painting the man as a historical legend that has cemented his place in the history of the world. Sure such a timeline is purely coincidental, however since when has that ever stopped  humans from finding patterns in chaos? Not any time soon, that is for sure. Besides, I do love a good crossover.

At one early point in history a western soldier ended up becoming a samurai, roughly around the time the samurai was no more. Mostly due to changing times and weaponry.

Rumors has it that an eerie similar looking man was spotted in the wild west after he left Ireland, due to unfortunate circumstances

Sometime in 1944 a German officer was disillusioned by the horrible atrocities committed by the third Reich and a plot to assassinate Hitler took place.

During the eighties a new world war was almost started due to the actions of the ace pilot Maverick who deployed in a skirmish from the aircraft carrier USS enterprise. 

Research indicates that many doppelgangers somehow existed in America at the same time, however this is purely a coincidence, or a sinister plot to take over the earth, through edgy high schooners and rowdy teenagers.

Around the globe the same figure has been seen on the run from all manners of explosions caused by sinister cabals and international terrorism. But I'm fairly certain that a helicopter chasing a man into a train tunnel is over exaggerated. Though said person was caught acting like a gecko on the wall, climbing an insanely tall tower.

Then again a mummy was allegedly recovered and turned out to be very much alive and very wicked. This man's continued existence could in fact be the result of a curse.

Eventually wicked martians invaded earth and for a time their menacing tripods ruined mankind, but eventually humanity reclaimed the planet. Exactly what year this occurred is lost to the annals of history due to the collapse.

But from the looks of things other aliens have been tussled with in the year 2009 as well, where this blond baby-face has yet again played a pivotal role in guiding us forward.

In the year 2045 we have yet more recordings of this enigmatic man working for the police, arresting people before the crime has been even committed. This clearly indicates that there is something otherworldly about this being.

Njål signing out

A Mesmer Review of Sorts

 Mesmer is an interesting experience from a gameplay and game design perspective. To summarize the experience is tricky but, doable.

The game starts of at seemingly pristine city being cleaned by public people in horse masks. On the surface everything is well in paradise, until I woke up the next morning being forcefully recruited into a revolt by the captain of the ship I took to get here. First I had to start a strike down at the cannery, where a whole school of fish pun people work. Each one has a quest they need me to perform. Sometimes I can bribe them and spinn a wheel to get on their good side. Yes I have pick between a task, or by spinning a wheel with timing. A minigames that can be influenced by all manner of items. Both actions takes time, the one thing I will always run low on. Everything takes a certain amount of time and the clock is always ticking and when it runs out it's game over and I have to do everything all over again. Resource management and scheduling is key. Something I have no problems with, but to someplayersit will be a bit immersion breaking. 

First I caused a strike, but one of the men need permission from his wife, whom I bribed with a sandwich found in a dumpster. The next man wanted me to reclaim his wedding ring from the pawnshop. The over have me the option to either bribe him, pay money, or stealing a crate during the night. A task that required me to dodge the police patrolling the streets at night.

The third cannery worker I simply spun the wheel on and won the argument.

Then I had to ask a rich man for funds, and I had the option to bribe him, but I unfortunately failed that task, so I had to break into a rich house during the night to steal a fancy ruby. Little did i know I needed two lock pics. Let alone that the door was blocked by a sinister mini game and a patrolling policeman. Once inside I was given a series of chooses and a descriptive dialogue on what I was doing and where I could go. 

The various task to perform in the city is numerous and brought me into contact will all kinds of colourful people, from every walk of life. The main core of the gameplay is to do odd jobs. Anything from breaking in. Sneaking around during curfew. Vandalizing public property and performing public speeches to convince the various factions that they should listen to me.

Essentially there is a whole slew of things to do and even more than needs to be done. However it takes a fair bit of trial and error to find the optimal path to victory. One thing mesmer is not doing and that is holding my hand and actions have actual consequences.

All the NPC I have to talk to in Mesmer have a lot to say and they all play an integral part in unearthing the plot. They also comes with a stat that tells me how much they like, or dislike me. Which makes it easier to convince them, instead of doing a mission.

es Mesmer takes place in a fairly large city where no place is off limit, but the police have checkpoints during the day and patrols during the night. Luckily there are tools such as an expandable grapling hook, a hog to ride on, and running around. Most of the time the perspective is seen from above, but a behind camera can be activated to enjoy the colourful scenery.  Sure I can walk around with the camera behind me, but the frame rate is rubbish. Hopefully this will be fixed real soon.

Which brings me to the music, which is quite good and very fitting. From the tranquil title screen song, to the hectic wanted music. All in all, Mesmer is a fun and memorable experience that requires the player to get an intimate knowledge of the town, have a handy list of everything needed, and a gallon of patience. Stick it to the man and bring about the revolution by any means.

Njål Sand

Unfocused much?

 I really really loathe auto focus on web cameras. Yes these wonderful tools of the streaming trade have this feature on by default and it sucks. A very, very common mistake that occurs in most live streams at one point or another. Streamers tend to gleefully ignore this when they are the creative kind. Especially people painting miniatures are often painfully ignorant about how easy it is to disable this function and how terrible anything out of focus looks. Essentially the trick to adjusting anything on the camera is to right click on the source inside obs and select properties from the drop down menu. The popup window has a lot of settings and one of the check boxes is always focus. This setting is utter garbage and will cause a lot of headaches when active. 

The idea is that once you hold an object close to the lens, the camera will focus on that object and blur out anything else. However this setting reacts to pretty much any sort of movement that occurs inside the area the camera can see. This setting is also horribly slow and practically useless in low light environments. This fiction might work better on high end models. However it still takes a second or two for the objective to do its function. And in all honesty, that is something I personally refuse to deal with. I might not have the best equipment, but I know what I do not like, and if it is an issue, I will strive to fix it and improve. Something a lot of humans are utter rubbish at doing. The other thing to adjust on the setting menu is the sharpness. I have no idea why this setting is not maxed out from the get go. Maybe its the software just being careful, or it has to do with longevity. Something I have yet to have issues with. That said the cheaper the camera, the worse the range of settings are.

For people not that familiar with cameras, they have probably noticed that there is this noisy grain once the camera has been scaled up a bit. This is due to the camera not handling low light settings what so ever. The only cure is a better light rig, or a newer and more expensive camera. Something I eventually intend to acquire. Its a bit of a shame that I just cant just use a digital camera for this. My Lumix would be perfect to use as a web camera. That said, perhaps I can scavenge the old camera, give it a plugged in power-source and turn it into a web-camera. By the way, this idea occured to me as I was writing this.

Anyhow that is it for now.

Njål Signing out

#zaceron.

Genchin Impact and my issue with Gacha games

Gacha games are kinda bad, like really, really bad. I've been playing Genshin Impact over on my twitch channel. As a game it is very fun and looks fantastic. With colorful characters, sketchy voice acting, and so anime in style it hurts.

The concept of a gacha game is to entice the player to use money in order to buy bags of in game currency. Then use these virtual money to draw random equipment and heroes from the slot machine. A true and tested formula that is commonly associated with mobile gaming, such as Raid Shadow Legends, Langrisser, and almost every Nutaku game on their site.

The thing that really grinds my gear is how bad and boring the equipment and the drop rate is. Loot is ranked by stars, five, or six is usually the best tier. However the one armed bandit can pick anything between three and five stars. Low star items are practically worthless fodder used to enchant gear. Which is fair enough, however three star stuff is generic vendor trash found in chests and dropped by mobs. Which spoils the fun of actually investing anything but in game resources to hit that lever. I simply hate getting yet another worthless three star pieces of refuse yet again.

The other terrible aspects of this types of games is the grind fest. The upper level always requires an obscene amount of materials, resources, and not to mention time. In the end this process only increases stats in a myriad of ways. Practically every upgrade boost stats and nothing more. For some this is not an issue, for me it is boring and tedious. There is nothing exciting about equipping a new stabbing implement with some virtually unnoticeable passive set bonus.

The other issue is that almost every other game of this nature is a boring turn based game that plays itself. Something these games actually do, by adding an autopilot function, which plays the game for you. Making the game even more pointless to play.

To summaries the basic loop I always undergo in a gapcha game. Play through tutorial, use the resources to get myself some four and five star characters. Then level them up as much as possible. The watch as the new hero plowed through any enemy that stands in the way of progress.

Å game of this nature that breaks from the mold in the gameplay department is

Genshin Ompact. Which combines exploration, action based combat, and a beautiful world to exploit. Combat is fairly simple but very engaging. So far every hero has three abilities. A basic attack that often can be charged up, a special attack that has a cooldown timer, and a super attack that can be used when enough special attacks have been performed. Most damage is negated by using the sprint key to dodge, or by moving to the side. The thing that really spice this up is the elemental synergy. Wet enemies are easy to electrocute, and simple to freeze. While fire can evaporate water and melt ice. Yes, elemental attacks kick ass and I couldn't be more happy.

Ice has one extra benefit outside of combat and that is to freeze water, which allows me to traverse any body of water by freezing the path ahead. Traversing the terrain is done by climbing and glorious gliding. Missions are surprisingly varied and actually entertaining. I did not expect this much variety in mission objectives and exploration. Unfortunately all the treasure chests on the way are filled with low star trash. However I need those to upgrade my adventure level, the one stat that gatekeepers progress. 

The music is fairly chill and does nothing wrong in my ears, I can't say the same for the pint sized thing that follows me around, but that is due to the terrible voice actress pretending to be a little girl with a high pitched voice. Yes the game is fully dubbed and voiced by English voice actors. As mentioned earlier the game is painfully anime for better or worse. I'm fairly sure some of the characters in Genshin would put me on a creep list. Aside from that the plot is okay I suppose and the banter is actually entertaining. All in all I can't complain much outside of the stupid cacha insisting on giving me trash gear way too often.

Zaceron Signing out

Ranked games are rotten in League of Legends

 

I have played a lot of League of Legends lately. An unhealthy amount some might say, but that is besides the point. There is something very irritating I have encountered that I simply cant do any thing about since I'm not good enough to hard carry in low elo. In a ranked game the player picks the  roles and depending on which one I want to main, the que timer can take anything from two minutes to more than ten. Then comes the ban and pick phase, which also takes an irritating amount of time. If someone leaves during this the whole process starts over again. Also to balance the insanity out, you will eventually be auto filled despite it being locked. Once past this sequence there is the actual loading screen, which takes several minutes, because there is always someone with connectivity issues. But in most cases people play on a potato run by a half dead gerbil, aside from the times the game itself shafts a player. Unfortunately I encounter these folk every third dame or so it seems.

One of the most preferred roles is mid and due to autofill, there is always someone begging like a baby to get the role, despite me waiting for many minutes to get the role. Support is not the worst, unless you count incompetent leaning partners. I almost exclusively run across dead beat ad carries that cant dodge any skill shots. The fact that the marksmen has been severely gimped this season does not help. The rest of the lanes are just irritating or, no waith, their just irritating.

Now the points above is bad enough in my eyes, however the real butt clincher is the general skill of players. Who are suspiciously incompetent to the point of being worse than bots. I'm not one to believe in conspiracy theories, despite how endlessly entertaining they are. But back to my point, these foolish mortals are bad. Like really really bad, sure I'm not the best one versus nine player out there, but when my entire team is worse than me, now that is where my issue starts. I'm simply incapable of hard carrying in ranked and every match has been a loss. I started at iron, clawed my way up to bronze one. But then everything went sideways and I'm now at bronze three and falling like a stone. Yes, waiting over then minutes, to play a fourth five minutes long match just isn't worth it anymore. Yes I'm complaining a lot and with good reasons, becuase this issue seems to be exclusively a ranked thing. Becuase I generally win normal games and ultra rapid fire. Aram is gambling as usual ang can go in any direction, despite being one straight line. So something is quite clearly rotten in ranked games and I'm tired of the smell.

Zaceron Signing out.

Spirals are very sinistral and inescapable

Have you ever taken a closer look at the humble spiral, a reoccurring pattern on a universal scale, one most of us take for granted. Obsessing over it will cause the best of us to spiral out of control, and living in a downward spiral is a terrible thing.

In art there is the concept of the golden ratio, a template that arrange elements into a spiral by dividing a picture into a series of rectangles. It is very aesthetically pleasing and apparently it is seen as a recurring pattern in nature. Once you gave seen it, you can not unsee it.

Pulling the plug on the sink causes the water to drain in a twisting pattern, which gets smaller the further down it go. One thing I always found very fascinating as a chip was being introduced to is the two bottles facing each other. One is in the bottom, and the other is on top, with the two corks glued together. A terrible roundabout way for me to talk about a water filled hourglass. In essence this device is a way to study and observe a miniature vortex, or is that a whirlpool. Regardless it is yet another spiral. The curious thing though is the direction the water drain. In fact most spirals only goes in one direction.

Maelstroms is a common natural phenomenon, one that is very popular in stories and folklore. Here and there stories have been told of ships getting sucked in, only to never show up again. Around the world there are several quite famous ones. So there is clearly truth in fiction. The weather is not exempt from the spiral either, that is for sure. The crushing tornadoes commonly associated with certain north American locations is also a spiraling cone. Welcome to the eye of the tropical storm

To further highlight the recurrence of this shape, just take a close look at your finger tips. The finger print patterns is yet another spiral.  Yes you are incapable of escaping the spiral. If that is not disturbing enough, there is a spiral inside our ears as well. Just do not bring a drill into the ear cavity to get rid of it. Because spirals are very useful for human tools and has brought us great innovations, such as the ever useful drill. Because a hole is always useful, be it building a house with screws, digging for oil, or various types of excavating. While focusing on the body, the hair on our heads also tends to start in one spot and spiral outwards. In fact I've noticed this on many animals as well. Such as dogs with short fur.

As for the pattern in nature, just look at the humble snail. The slimy slow moving creature that carry a spiral shaped shelter on its back, which it can retract its body into. The very curios thing though is how I have never found a sinistral shell. As far as I know spirals tends to be dextral on my side of the globe. I can most likely attribute this to gravity.

Might as well bring in that existential angst now. Because the milky way is one huge ass spiral. Just look up the various pictures and observations from NASA. But this is just food for thoughts. However if you happen to be looking for the definite illustrated biography of the horrors of the spiral, look up the manga Uzumaki.

Zaceron signing out.

https://streamlabs.com/zaceron/tip

Tony Hawks is back. Game review

Since Tony Hawks 1&2 is replicating the neck breaking, face planting experience of skateboarding. It should come as no surprise that the game is built around what people are capable of doing on a wheeled plank of wood. But the fun comes from the acceptable breaks from reality. Such as essentially driving up a hill and curving with the pool while in the air, and the over the top ability to grind without wearing out the board.

Tony Hawk has had a lot of ups and downs after they made more than two games. Let's face the music through, the first and the second game in the franchise is by far the best ones. This remaster includes all the original levels and they have all been spruced up. Essentially everything has had an graphical overhaul to bring it in line with modern games, while retaining the original layout. They also removed the pesky floating money, which I freaking love that they did.

Since it is now a modern game I can adjust settings, such as the camera proximity and field of view. Yes I can finally see more, but I can say that 90 Fov is a bit overkill in this case. A couple of slice of life improvements has been added to the option menu as well. Originally codes had to be manually inputted to cheat. Now they are a couple of clicks away, however they did not include the jetpack mode. So the infinite balance, manual and no bail, does not help me completing all the stage goals. After all I still have to reach the out of place V symbols that has been added to the levels and the secret tapes.

On that note, it seem that I no longer has to complete the game 100% with each skater to unlock all the characters. I truly thank the developers for that, but they did include a couple of secret unlocks that requires a fair bit of combing to squash out. Naturally this means a couple of the original inclusions where cut, such as all the various licenced skaters such as Gene Simmens and Private Carrera. All the movies the secret tapes contained are gone as well, so I can no longer watch actual skateboard videos in game. Luckily I have YouTube for that. Officer Dick is still here though, but he could be mistaken for Jack Black, or is he actually Jack Black?

The most disappointing feature is most likely the custom character editor, sure its novel to make woman with a beard, but the selection of faces and body types are non existent. Not quite, just very, very limited. So I wonder why I cant craft  myself a morbidly obese skater, or a muscular one. After all there was a cheat code for making skaters bloat up until the polygons burst from inputting it too many times. Face sliders is non existent and all additional outfits has to be bought from the in-game store.

The level editor allows me to build a magnificent skate park from the ground up and share it with the world for better or worse. But there is just one problem with the setup, first of all it comes with a complexity limit, even on pc. This is just irritating and stupid, I'm not playing Tony Hawks on the original
PlayStation after all. Then there is the fact that the spike pit is nowhere to be seen, yes they removed obstacles that can reset the player when they fall into it. Removed features also includes the runny blood soaked letters when face planting hard. A real shame really, once the bail animation is done, the skater just glitches back onto the board.

All the awesome and not so awesome soundtracks are back and they are fantastic, especially from a pesky nostalgia perspective.
It all I wanted from a remaster of a game I grew up on.

https://youtu.be/jxzbGk8bujc

Zaceron signing out

Jawbreakers the worst grift ever

Lo and behold the biggest grift in the face of the internet, well it is a grift Accoarding to industry professionals and twitter twerps.  Introducing  one of the most successful crowdfunded independent comics this decade, despite marvel and DC dying a slow and agonizing death along with the direct market. A  business model that has been dying since year 2000, despite people protesting otherwise. I have seen it myelf. Once upon a time there were a plethora of unique comics produced, translated, and published here in Norway. Now, well, now there is a handful of newspaper strips and some independent stuff that tries to market itself. Yes the direct market where a company hires people, sends the product to a press, then have it published and sold at a store. Oh right I was supposed to talk about Jawbreakers. A fairly okay comic about an expendable team of specialist dealing with a giant gorilla and some sort of nearly omnipotent being.

Yes this comic I can hold in my hands and store on my shelf is apparently a grift. Now let's take a look at wha the dictionary has to say about this very bad and bland insult.

noun

(sometimes used with a plural verb) a group of methods for obtaining money falsely through the use of swindles, frauds, dishonest gambling, etc.

Money obtained from such practices.

verb (used without object)

to profit by the use of grift:
Ethan Vansciver, a man known to have grifted for many years.

verb (used with object)

To obtain (money or other profit) by grift.

It is essential an untrue statement full of bile and venom, which is about as impactful as the term soiboy. For some insane reason people believe that soy makes men more feminine. A unfounded claim so far. Now back to the very real comic book I got for money  I spent on a crowdfunding campaign.

As I mentioned earlier before going of on a tangent. Jawbreakers is a team of mercenaries with various powers and guns. Which is hired by a scantily clad tribal woman with a spear. She needs them to take care of a humongous gorilla that is stimoing through the lands. The Jawbreakers does do just that. The comic comes in full colour, with great artwork that look like is has been taken straight out of the nineties. Both the good and the bad. The story has a sense of scale and an some actual healthful moments. The last of the three stories ends on a cliffhanger though, for better or worse.

Theere are however a couple of problems I have with the Jawbreakers. Sometimes the transitions are non existent or very poorly defined. Sure the cast is varied and have various powers they use in creative ways during combat. The design is annoying bland and non descriptive. Essentially it can be very hard to tell them apart, let alone get invested in the cast. Ironically the cast is very diverse and a lot more representative than anything the progressive crowd on social media is capable of comming up with.
One of them is prettymuch blind. One is black. Then there is the man without arms and I kinda forgot about the rest. They use various super powers to bypass these limitations though.
The overall presentation is fantastic, I just cant bring myself to get Gøkning to see how the Jawbreakers end up. It has th4 same issue I have with most superhero comics I've picked up over the years. I can't really get hooked on the story at all. But do not let that stop you from embracing the future of western comics. Direct to consumer, no middle man needed.

Zaceron Signing out

Why so serious? It is just a Joker

 

We all have a character or two from popular media we just simply loathe, dislike, hate or what not. Essentially one we have gotten tired of. In my case I simply can't stand the Joker from Batman, this pesky clownprince of crime shows up all over the media landscape. There is not a movies or a series within the fanshise this pasty faced lunatic doesn't show up in. For all intentive purposes he is a generic human male, which can be easily brought down by bullets, or one of Batman's patented and proven coma punches. Yes as far as I know the crazy clown does not even wear kevlar in a town overrun with Tommy guns and gangsters. All it would take is a stray bullet and he would be dead or severely injured, something that rarely if ever happens. The handful of times he does get seriously injured he often walks it off like a champ, or it gets conveniently retconned in the next story. For marketing purposes and due to popularity the joker will aways be there, or his abused henchman sidekick Harley Quinn. That does not make them any more interesting or tolerable to me. Keep in mind though, this is my personal opinion, feel free to disagree.

Batman has a lot of great villains. Hell, DC in general has more crooks than I can recollect. However a lot of these never shows up in live action at all.

To mention a couple I can recall from the movies, we have had Two-face, the Penguin, Freeze, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, Joker, Rasha Ghoul, Bane, Scarecrow, Riddler and a few more I've most likely forgot.

Back to my questionably constricted point though. The villains I have just mentioned does have some screen time and presence. Compared to a mentally deranged man with a big smile, they might as well ntl exist at all. It feels to me that no matter whom the main villai is, the clown keeps stealing the show. Sometimes I think the better solution would be to just focus one villain and make the movie into a detective drama, where the Bat has to actually play the part of being the worlds best detective. Having him play a cat and mouse game with Gorilla Grod could be a highly entertaining romp to watch. Now whether or not Hollywood is capable of writing and producing such a story is an entirely different story. To top it all of I might as well mention Batman's boring back story yet again. Or not, because that seem to be the important thing every time a new Batman story comes out.

Cheers

Zaceron

Wheelchair warriors!

Foolish, foolish mortals and your obsessive need for representation, it can get so bad it hurts. Worry not dear reader, for in the world of fantasy, where at least I go to escape reality, even a wheelchair bound person can become a lean, mean, murder machine. With a couple of simple steps even you can become a bona fide killer. I have realized that people are stuck with what they are, instead of what they could be. Take Dungeon & Dragons for example, a world of imagination, adventure and debatable rules to live and die by. In most cases a cleric can heal pesky things like non functional feet and useless limbs. Miracles, gods and wishes are very much real. Unless your stuck in Dark Sun, then you're most likely dead before you begin.

First of all let's take a closer loom at a wheel chair. It is a lightweight chair, attached to two big wheels and at least two small wheels for turning. Which allow a person to use their arms to push the contraption forward. A modern one is either electric, or made a light weight as possible. However in more primitive settings, it will most likely be made of wood, especially the wheels, thus it becomes quite heavy in the long run. Though that also depends on skill of the artisan crafting the chair.. The lack of rubber and inflated wheels will also make it very uncomfortable to move around. On top of that, getting around dungeons is going to be very hard indeed. Especially when the terrain gets bad. Unless you get really creative, or embrace cyberpunk Caterpillar style threads are out of the question. Not to mention the lack of an engine to propel the contraption in any direction.

However in Dungeons & Dragons, only an uninspired pheasant think about using wheels. Even though a cart is cheap to buy and almost free if stolen. Though in 5e a donkey is act actually cheaper than a cart, which it is most likely capable of pulling. If you really want to be pedantic, modify a wheelbarrow they're most likely worth less than five gold. However let's forget reality for a while, for what is fantasy? But a way to have a merry time and escape from the rules of our reality. Granted being a bad-ass in a wheelchair does have its merits, more on that later.

The most basic thing any sensible adventurer can do is to acquire a mount. Such as the donkey I mentioned earlier. From my personal experience, a donkey is a smooth ride on a stubborn equine, that has a low ground clearance and high carry capacity. Camels on the other hand, now those are absolutely terrible and that is me speaking from personal experience. Like I said, let's forgo reality for a while. Take a giant spider as an example, now there is an interesting mount. Especially for someone that want to strike fear into men and monsters, have decent defensive capabilities and being able to traverse rough terrain. With some creative rule abusing, it can probably be equipped with a chair, or a saddle, then attach zephyr horseshoes. Suddenly you've got yourself a flying spider. Granted a good mage can learn to fly through magic. Or just get a comfy flying broom with a seat on it. After all in Dungeons & Dragons walking is the least interesting way of locomotion. Personally I would get myself a hippogriff or another terrifying beast, that can actually fly. Even if it has to be fed half a cow every day. Essentially the creature is fast and ferocious and capable of defending itself. Which technically can either attack on it's own turn, or use one of riders actions instead. It depends on the rules really.

For the more refined gentle person there exist a more classy alternative exist. The portable chair with two poles attached, which has to be carried by two fateful servants. It is a simple medieval lord favorite, extra bonus points if it comes with a human footstool and a troubadour. A chariot is also a very valid example of a true and tested transport. Unlike a wagon it is small, fast and light weight. But it does leave the beast of burden exposed to attacks. A typical horse is unfortunately very easy to kill, due to low health and few ways to attack. Since most monsters are bloodthirsty killers out for blood. A life giving fluid most horses have a lot of. Unless the clever player dives in to Mordekaines emporium and dig up some fancy figurine that turn into a mount for a time.
Particularly evil characters will use skeletons and the reanimated dead to move them around the word. There is always the mind control option, thralls and various infernal beings.

Let us look at the generic wooden wheelchair, which is lighter than steel and cheaper than fancy lightweight material like mithril or admantium. It will be fairly heavy and rather uncomfortable to actually move around, plus oak wheel have terrible shock absorption. Essentially the user would feel every bump in the road and a pillow only absorbs so much of the impact. It might be fantasy, but gravity still exist. Combine this with armor and it will get even worse to push around, because a high armor class will make up for the lack of dexterity. Because using the arms a lot makes a person strong, unlike a sissy rouge skulking around in the shadows. For extended reach a polearm is an excellent choice, especially with attack of opportunity, then very few things can get behind the wheelchair warrior. An additional design feature that comes highly recommended most would not think of is some kind of rest for the weapon, when switching between moving and fighting.

 Since this build will be heavy and unwieldy, some sort of servant is needed to push the wheelchair. A human is a cheap and unreliable choice, but at the start of an adventure that is the most likely the only option. But a human is very weak and most likely very squishy. The more advanced and stubborn wheelchair bound adventurer will invest in a golem. A simple construct that follows basic commands and is good at manual labor, it can also crush smaller creatures and defend itself. A war forged one is a couple of steps above that and most likely a player character, which would lead to some amazing synergy. Essentially the wheelchair warrior wields a sharp pointy sick and a shield, while the golem pushes the player into into battle. Yes, I am imagining wheelchair jousting hero here and you're welcome.

Outside of Dungeons & Dragons, there is settings such as Mage the awakening. Where a friend of mine made a version of Xavier. A bald mage incapable of walking. In combat he floated around several swords and a shield for protection. But this fellow I a clever little munchkin and made the wheelchair capable of transforming into an exoskeleton. Suddenly the man could miraculously walk into battle, despite having no movement stat.

That is all I have for now, Zaceron signing out