Vikings in the Middle world - Valheim Review

A viking is sent to Valheim and in the name of Odin, said viking has to fight nature itself and overcome some really big bosses. Valheim is one of the nine realms in Norse mythology, the home of the Vanir which lives under the world tree Yggdrasil. A world between afterlives it seems. In this case it is a procedural generated environment, composed of several unique interconnected biomes. Each one has a new resource and enemies to fight against. From a dark forest, to a boggy swamp, up a frozen frigid mountain, of windswept plains. Each location in Valheim is visually beautiful to gaze upon. Thrust far it is missing waterfalls and lakes though. However that is a minor nitpick if anything.

This is Helga Hjulkaster, she is a strong viking woman made of true grit and muscle. Her goal is to sacrifice various trophies on an altar in the middle of a biome. Which will call up on a mighty warrior that has to be beaten in combat. In order to have a chance, I have to take charge and start collecting wood and stone, which I can craft into rudimentary tools. After all, I can not cut down trees with my bare hands. I tried and it did no damage whatsoever. While I was busy chopping wood a tiny creature made of sticks and stone assaulted me. The rude little bugger fell swiftly to my axe. Then I fell to the tree, brought down on top of me through gravity. Yes falling timber hurts anything until it lays still on the ground. This includes other trees, vikings, enemies and anything not made of stone. After I gathered enough wood, I began to cobble together a flimsy hut, with a thatched roof and a bed made of straw. Which serves as a spawn point and it gives a well rested bonus. But only if there is a fireplace nearby. However a badly placed one will slowly choke me to death, or get blown out during storms and the rain. The next step to survive in the wild was to hunt down a huge amount of wild boars to craft myself a bow and a workbench upgrade. Then I stocked up on arrows and killed a whole flock of frolicking deer in the forest. Their bloody skulls made for an excellent trophy to summon the guarding spirit of the meadows. A huge lightning infused elk. A fierce battle ensued, but eventually I won the battle and I got myself a huge head to bring back to the starting area. The totem allows me to call upon the spirits power for a while. The beast also dropped a horn that must be used to make a primitive pickaxe. Because bronze and tin ore is needed to make copper.

What I just described is the general gameplay loop of Valheim. Romp through a biome, then fight a boss, which drops the ingredient needed to farm for upgrade materials in the next biome. This is a survival sandbox after all. Luckily hunger does not kill me, but a properly fed viking regain stamina a lot faster and has a huge health pool.

Combat is a simple and smooth affair. I can block, parry, shoot enemies and make things to throw at them. Bringing home the bacon is easily done with more than one player, through the easy to use multiplayer system, where I can run a public, or private instance. The caveat is that a password is required, so at the moment no random stranger can join a public server. For an early access game on Steam I have not encountered any game crashing bugs, or anything that would ruin the experience for me. The only issues I have encountered thus far is the game stopping up a second, or two when saving the world. There have also been several cases of boats getting destroyed the moment I exited a portal. Biomes being a bit out of whack.

There are a couple of things I would really like to see in the game. Sailing leaves me to the mercy of the four winds, until a certain power is gained. However I would really love to have oars in the boats. A true and tested invention that would be very easy to implement. When the wind is going the wrong direction, it is faster to push the vessel by swimming behind it, and climb aboard when the stamina runs out. And some sort of brass, or bone horn. Because it sounds badass to charge into battle tooting my own horn. The music is fantastic, especially the sound effects are top notch and sets the mood perfectly. Graphics convey the moody and enhance the atmosphere brilliantly. The simplified art direction makes Valheim run fantastic and look better than most other games of this nature on Steam. 

Njål sand

#zaceron

Welcome to the wild world wide web

Welcome to the wild world wide web: I’m your host Njål. and today we will take a closer look at some of the inhabitants in this fine establishment.

On the right hand there is twitter, a place where twerps, trollops and trolls conjugate in great enough numbers to clog up the platform. Looking for a safe space? Check elsewhere, because there is none. Despite what the people on there screams like a banshee stalking the moors claims. In this wretched hive of scum and villainy, fans of censorship, those that hate speech. aside from their own voice. A plethora of celebrities, who think that well adjusted people listen. A couple of politicians that spams things for the sake of publicity. 

Companies that care too much about the loud minority of ill adjusted weirdos, the type of cretins that are not their customers. There is also a vocal collection of fanatical fans of any media, be it religion, or a franchise like Star Wars. The court is debating whether these types of creatures are cut from the same cloth, or if it is an evolutionary dead end. It is as they say, ignorance is bliss and being willfully dense is the easiest thing in the world. Herein you will also social justice warriors attack the foundation of civil society, like barbarians at the gate of Rome. This bile of vile words and violence are waging a war on whomever they disagree with. Regardless of political affiliation. Gender, melanin content and content of their character. These accursed beings are hunting for the very elusive prey known as alt right. An alleged type of human that might exist out there, but we’ve yet to find definite proof among the YouTube commentary crowd.

 Another subset that usually exists on Twitter until they run afoul enough these sick jerk wankers and get the boot. Words are apparently very dangerous these days, despite how easy they are to block. Aside from these easily offended and triggered ticks, we can also find a lot of erotica, be it drawn, real, animated, illegal, or just the good old disgusting kind. The type you show to other teenagers to have them regurgitate their lunch and to scar them for life. Some bodily fluids should not enter the human body in any capacity. 

On the left hand side we have a handful of people, if one could call them that. Humans that think they can talk loudly in public without anyone listening in or interrupting them. Let me tell you one thing, the walls have ears and loose lips do sink ships. 

Further down the corridor we have an elective bunch of online celebrities that spews out opinionated videos about any subject under the sun, from law, to entertainment and everything in between.
Amidst of these colorful beings, you might just spot a curio from the early days of the web. One of these enigmatic people is the allegedly satire maestro Maddox, whom is an mildly successful author of works such as fuck the whales. His real call to fame is the decades old site of his, full of articles that have vivid depictions on how to gas babies in the overhead compartment while in flight to silence their screams, urinating on wedding gowns and oh so many hate mails. Rumor has it that he used to be funny, but we’re not entirely sure if the stuff he wrote was meant as a joke. Unfortunately his glory days have long passed and now he is a depressive empty shell of his former self. Such is the faith of anyone that fails to cash in on their legacy. Luckily we managed to stuff him into a small sized terrarium.

Next to him we have another curious creature known as Dick, the master of rapid ranting and rationality, despite an unhealthy consumption of alcohol. This loud individual ran the biggest problem in the universe, until his co host went crazy over an ex girlfriend. A truly glorious mess to behold. Which turned Dick into a massively popular person, and most likely the most inclusive and diverse podcaster on the web.

Our crew of collectors did try to acquire a specimen known as Mister Metekour, a mysterious faceless man, that is clever enough to hide behind an avatar. This enigma loves to take a dump on very mentally messed up people that finds ways to get stuck in the web. Unfortunately this man is impossible to locate, any information would be welcome and should be forwarded to the hunting team.

If you follow me further down the corridor, there is also a huge selection of lawyers. Most of them still have their soul intact, despite their career choice. Legal eagle is probably the exception, we’ve yet to determine if his is real, or a corporate friendly doll. Regardless these legal scholars can analyze any court case with ease and clarity, that normies are incapable of grasping, due to the nature of law.

Over at this display, we can gaze upon amazing artists that somehow always end up in some sort of silly controversy due to their poor communication skills. However separating art from the artist is a very worthy and arduous task that all sane onlookers should embrace.
Now we arrive at the idol worshipers, these are among the most dangerous individuals we have captured. These zealots crawl around in the dust of people with power and influence, hanging on to their every word like a limpet mine on the hull of a ship. Regardless of what they worship, they are all the same kind of crazy. Regardless of their zeal, they can not differentiate fantasy from reality. Unless their idol dare to say the wrong word and their worshipers fragile egos shatter like glass from a window that someone threw a rock through. 

Next up is a collection of critters that was really, really hard to contain. The game journalists, if one can call them that. A person of this profession is supposed to get paid to play games and write about said games. Yet they are woefully incompetent at their cushy job. For some asinine reason they are more interested in ruining anything they touch, despite their innate ass-kissing skills. Creeps like these are more content writing slander about politicians and expressing their opinions on unrelated subject matters they have almost no knowledge about. To this day our facility staff have no idea why an orange man is important when reviewing a gaming platform.

Next to these so-called professionals, we have actual professionals that fall into a lot of the same trappings when it comes to news that happens around the globe. We decided to lump them into the same category, due to how incompetent they are at their job. We assume that standing on top of an ivory tower and looking down makes it very hard to see the truth. After all facts are better when fabricated. Somewhere in here there should be some actual journalists. But they are almost rarer than rooster teeth.

The next selection is an actual vocal bunch, due to their career as voice actors. These people are an insecure and catty lot that will gladly backstab their friends. You would be wrong to think that their job required nothing more than dubbing voices of animated characters. This however is not the case. A scant few of them is actually good at their job and is capable of sounding like a living being that organically reacts to the world they are acting within. More often than not it comes out as someone hit them over the head until their brain turned to mush. Oh well nothing lost really, we’re quite sure people would learn more languages if they weren't making money on replacing the original voices. 

There are many, many, more morons, normies, and their mothers to be found at said platform.
Let it be said, this social media bedlam, serves as the public equivalent of an insane asylum, were the wardens are patients, and everyone is a research subjects  into the collective mind murder of mankind. Everyone is free to look into the window of a deranged mind, but be careful the abyss gazes back and its allure leads to madness. Let this be a warning to you all, take heed or you will fall into the rabbithole. Where you will be cooked like a frog in a pan.

There are many more to be found in the wild, but it is an ongoing process of an unprecedented magnitude.
That concludes our tour for now, at the end of the exhibit, you’ll find refreshments. 

Njål Signing out

A Mesmer Review of Sorts

 Mesmer is an interesting experience from a gameplay and game design perspective. To summarize the experience is tricky but, doable.

The game starts of at seemingly pristine city being cleaned by public people in horse masks. On the surface everything is well in paradise, until I woke up the next morning being forcefully recruited into a revolt by the captain of the ship I took to get here. First I had to start a strike down at the cannery, where a whole school of fish pun people work. Each one has a quest they need me to perform. Sometimes I can bribe them and spinn a wheel to get on their good side. Yes I have pick between a task, or by spinning a wheel with timing. A minigames that can be influenced by all manner of items. Both actions takes time, the one thing I will always run low on. Everything takes a certain amount of time and the clock is always ticking and when it runs out it's game over and I have to do everything all over again. Resource management and scheduling is key. Something I have no problems with, but to someplayersit will be a bit immersion breaking. 

First I caused a strike, but one of the men need permission from his wife, whom I bribed with a sandwich found in a dumpster. The next man wanted me to reclaim his wedding ring from the pawnshop. The over have me the option to either bribe him, pay money, or stealing a crate during the night. A task that required me to dodge the police patrolling the streets at night.

The third cannery worker I simply spun the wheel on and won the argument.

Then I had to ask a rich man for funds, and I had the option to bribe him, but I unfortunately failed that task, so I had to break into a rich house during the night to steal a fancy ruby. Little did i know I needed two lock pics. Let alone that the door was blocked by a sinister mini game and a patrolling policeman. Once inside I was given a series of chooses and a descriptive dialogue on what I was doing and where I could go. 

The various task to perform in the city is numerous and brought me into contact will all kinds of colourful people, from every walk of life. The main core of the gameplay is to do odd jobs. Anything from breaking in. Sneaking around during curfew. Vandalizing public property and performing public speeches to convince the various factions that they should listen to me.

Essentially there is a whole slew of things to do and even more than needs to be done. However it takes a fair bit of trial and error to find the optimal path to victory. One thing mesmer is not doing and that is holding my hand and actions have actual consequences.

All the NPC I have to talk to in Mesmer have a lot to say and they all play an integral part in unearthing the plot. They also comes with a stat that tells me how much they like, or dislike me. Which makes it easier to convince them, instead of doing a mission.

es Mesmer takes place in a fairly large city where no place is off limit, but the police have checkpoints during the day and patrols during the night. Luckily there are tools such as an expandable grapling hook, a hog to ride on, and running around. Most of the time the perspective is seen from above, but a behind camera can be activated to enjoy the colourful scenery.  Sure I can walk around with the camera behind me, but the frame rate is rubbish. Hopefully this will be fixed real soon.

Which brings me to the music, which is quite good and very fitting. From the tranquil title screen song, to the hectic wanted music. All in all, Mesmer is a fun and memorable experience that requires the player to get an intimate knowledge of the town, have a handy list of everything needed, and a gallon of patience. Stick it to the man and bring about the revolution by any means.

Njål Sand

Enter Marvelous flying brick -

Captain Marvel is not a very good or interesting character, in fact I firmly believe she could be replaced by a brick and not much of any consequence would change. Mind you, this is a thing that also hold true for a lot characters when an unskilled or uninterested author write the story. It boils down to the character being an emotional black void, yet being the center of attention, love and admiration. Regardless of how much they deserve it or not. As someone I can not recall put it, if you’re not trying to break the audiences hearth, you are doing it wrong. Which is what Captain Marvel unfortunately failed to do, by being turned into a self insert fan fiction character, fueled by selfish wish fulfillment fantasy. Combine that with a boring power set and the lack of a creative use of her abilities, or any attempt at outwitting the enemy. The way she is portrait is one that is very popular among teenagers and first time authors, usually the kind loathed on fanfiction.net.

She is strong, she can fly, shoot deadly bolts of light, breathe in space and is very, very durable. To top it of she is revered and fared by the Kree since they put a lot of resources into brainwashing her and keeping her power limited. When the mind wipe eventually ends, she just moves on with her life and nothing of interest occurs afterwards. If you look away from the fact that the she stopped hunting Skrull and now they love her. Other than that she is also a very successful female test pilot in a time where such thing is a rarity and naturally the men around her is cracking gender jokes. Eventually she joins up with Nick Fury and eventually helps to establish S.H.I.E.L.D and finds the teseract collection dust. Oh and the alien cat that tags along nicks one of Furys eyes and gives him a device he can use to call her if earth is in peril. An object that would have worked wonder when Ironman nearly died above New York, which makes me wonder, where was she when the hole debacle with Thanos began? I have no idea, nor does the writer and that gives me no reason to care to write anymore about a very mediocre Hollywood experience, written by someone that got paid handsomely, that cant handle criticism and people pointing out plot holes. A long time favorite pastime of us geeks. I mean seriously, watching a movie with friends and cracking jokes and debating the story is half the experience.

What I’m not entirely sure of is how a successful blonde woman with no weakness and few emotions, are going to be a good role model for impressionable kids and marginalized minorities. Especially when the one iteration of her was apparently Muslim, and the one before that was black. Which means I should probably bring up whitewashing but that is another can of maggots and I’ve been rambling for long enough as it is.

As a reference point, this is worm a web serial and how to make a story about heroes interesting, emotional, brilliant and the main character is a girl, oh and her power is to control insects and crustaceans.

https://parahumans.wordpress.com/

Another fairly interesting female hero is Lina Inverse from the Slayers universe, especially the light novels. She is severely and more often than not pay they price for her actions.

Then there is always Skulldyggery Gentle to go by as well. Can’t go wrong with a sorceress having a living skeleton as a mentor.

Zaceron Out!

Better NERF it

Better NERF it, both kids and adults enjoy practically harmless foam darts. If not, it's because they've yet to try one. I have never paid a dine in my life for one and now I have an armory of at least thirty ones. Some consider them a waste of space and resources. I see it as a business adventure, two Mondays this summer I was hired to host a small NERF war for around fifteen trigger happy kids.

If you have no idea what a NERF gun is. Either do an internet search or read my short explanation. Because redundant, redundancy is how I roll.

Its a spring loaded or electronic plastic gun that fires small harmless foam darts at low speeds and at stupidly short ranges. They also comes with a slew of useless accessories. The guns ranges from revolvers to rifles and many, many weird ones in between. Its perfectly safe and simple to use and due to being brightly coloured, they will not trigger the police. Unless your neighbor is a total and utterly social reject. Every neighborhood has one of those pesky people, full of hate and spite. Whom gladly spoil everyone's fun, because they are anger and bitter.

I took over responsibility for a cosplay club known as black, because fun with acronyms. Anyhow, earlier this year we had to pack up and move to a new and improved location. Thusly I took over responsibility to store the armory at my place. The previous person who had the club used a big part of the budget to buy a big bulk of NERF guns. The company behind the product line has some very odd ones that's for sure.

NERF guns can be nodded to heck and back, painted, decorated and customized in any imaginable way. Usually it's possible to dismantle them also. I gleefully threw away the junk parts and the problematic extension pieces through. As an example, here is my Warhammer 40k bolt pistol. Which can still shoot and look snazzy at the same time.

Never the less, my plan is to host various events and rent my services to various arrangements. Such as bachelor parties. Hell even the county employees enjoy it every now and then, when they host an office party.

So yeah, two happy  hours of chaos. Split the children into two groups send them to each side of the map and watch the team death match unfold. To spice it up, when shot, you retreat and count to fifteen. Some would say this is a terrible idea. What I say is, it works and everyone gets behind it. After all two hours is a very, very short time and it's an easy rule to follow.
Ironically and annoyingly enough, there was one accident, a child shot another one by accident in the eye at close range when we were done. All fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Carrying a big bag of guns is an interesting experience for sure, have a good one.

Zaceron