Saturday, March 26, 2022

Halo episode one rambling review.

 A gaggle of ratty teenagers goes into the dark dreary desert they live in, to get high, despite being told not to do such a thing. Then they spot evil religious alien. Signal flaring the camp of useless ragtag freedom fighters, only to watch the elites kill them all. Then to have the Spartans come to clean up the alien invaders. Who's more concerned with killing useless humans, despite being madsacred by the demon. Who uses about the same kind of caliber rounds the poorly disguised aka 47 uses. Needless to say, normal squishy human guns does no damage to shields, but master chef bullets do. Why he doesn't grab the plasma guns and deplete enemy shields is anyone's guess. The silver lining is that this sequence looks like Halo, complete with shield recharge sounds, first person moments and the elite laugh. With reckless disregard for anyone but his orders, the chief walks away with his squad, leaving the girl and several hundred dead behind. Because chasing down the enemy ship is more important. This is where things go downhill faster than a chipmunk on speed in a gerbil ball. The dark dry cave the junkies found contains a mysterious prothean beacon that undo decades of brainwashing. An alien is watching, ready to sucker punch the government tool. Instead it runs away and survives the squad of three highly trained super soldiers, turns invisible, and knocks over the bloody survivor who followed after them. Then proceed to flee away in a flying craft. We then switch to exposition, a lot of pointless prattling. One with some sketchy scientist that records everything and the evil maniacal government stooges planning to murder the girl with the bad haircut. The also drain the air out of the skip they conveniently control. The magic alien mcguffin have him humanity back and now he wants to help the teenager instead. Oh and a long necked covenant leader has adapted a human female only to give her a horrible collar costume and chastise her for reading human smut.

For some odd reason the two other people in master chumps party made it back before him on a separate ship, this makes no sense logistically at all. He refuse to murder the civilian, takes off his helmet and then proceed to get shot out of the air onece the auto pilot is shot to hell. But before several hundred maybes can breach the door. Matter mcguffin activates the artifact which restores the ship and disables everything else in the base. Nothing screams bad writing like a good old deus ex machina.

This all screams of paint by numbers, Chekhov's checklist and a reckless disregard for the source material. Hollywood is incapable of adapting it seems.

Njål signing out



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